Hello all and thank you so much for all the views. :) I write because it's my passion, but it feels so great to see my views increase and know that my writing is reaching people across the state, country...even the world!
This monologue feels even more raw than my last one. Perhaps it's because I've stopped editing myself more than I need to, when I really don't need to? Anyway, here it goes (But no stealing! I have copyright on this stuff.)
I'm finally here, moved in, settling down. Advising and registration were today and I got into some awesome classes. Auditions: choir, piano and theater, are this week. Every day has been better than the last, and yet, there is one question which lingers in intervals briefer than the smallest spaces in the Fur Elise. It is difficult to phrase it, but on my honor, for you and me and the sake of writing authentically, I will try with all of my heart to say it, and explain myself.
What do I think of you now? I thought I'd still feel myself falling, in a way, and maybe I still am. But was it a graceful descent, or more of a stumble? It's hard to tell.
"Pain demands to be felt."-Green.
You have crossed my mind pretty much every day, sometimes multiple times a day. And when I sat down and wrote "If Eyes Could Speak", I was right, and I knew I was right, no matter how much I wanted to be dead wrong. But deny my intuition? Shove it away as though it were a disgrace? I'd be backstabbing myself. And that wouldn't do anyone any good.
But it's official: you're starting to drift off the radar. You are floating in my mind like a dream I'm not sure I want to remember. Yet dreams of all kinds are inspirational, no matter how meaningless they might seem at first glance. And I am starting to accept this. But the question remains: What do I think of you now? Am I still falling? Or am I picking myself up?
I'll tell you now, so you'll stop wondering, if you're even interested. Darn, I'll tell you no matter what: I am up and feeling fine. Walking, not running, enjoying the views from the stage and not just from the audience. This is what living is supposed to feel like. This is Happiness, as my first philosophy teacher would say. I am making it in this life. You may stick around to see me, or you might drop out. Deep down, I feel it'd be nice if you'd stay. But please, bring him back. You. The real You. I haven't seen him in nearly a month and a part of me misses him. It's cheesy, cheesier than a pound of mozzarella cheese, but I am telling you the truth, and I am telling it to you because I need to, and even if you never see this, I needed to understand. And finally, I feel like I do. I have for a long time.
Like it? Feel free to leave a comment. If you have any constructive criticism, feel free to comment. I'd be more than happy to hear from my lovely viewers ;)
Other great news: It looks like I finally got a poetry reading!!! So excited!! :D The date isn't set yet, but I'm definitely starting to make preparations and figure out tentative dates, so once the date and time are set, I will post the info here. I am so grateful and look forward to the opportunity to read my poetry IN PERSON and share even more of my work (plus some more of my own story) with you. Thanks for sticking around.
<3
Courtney
Monday, August 25, 2014
Sunday, August 17, 2014
On Motivation and Inspiration: Why I Write
Hey everyone, I have a new Facebook page which I plan to update regularly. Take a minute to check it out: https://www.facebook.com/courtneyjustuswriter A few seconds to click "Like" and some shares would mean a lot.
Yes, it's important for me to have social media outreach now that I'm trying to be professional. But that's not the main purpose of this post (or of this blog, although I do appreciate the 400+ views on Writer Intro. Thanks a million!). What I really want to blog about today is two concepts that are extremely important to me. They are motivation and inspiration.
Both of these things work in synchronicity for me. One of the reasons I feel motivated to write is because of inspiration: my own, and that which I can spark in others. I write for myself, because it brings me peace, joy and clarity, but I also write for others, so that they may feel empowered, intrigued, inspired and motivated by my words.
Just to keep things clear, my intentions are far from trying to force others to feel these things. People should come to this on their own, but it always helps to be a source of creativity, inspiration, knowledge: it makes other people feel good, but it also makes you feel great, since you are choosing to irradiate all these beautiful things which you choose to see and feel.
In today's world of high-powered technology and instant communication, it can be easy to feel saturated by the quantity of information we are receiving every day, through technology and other means. Now let's think about this for a moment. Every day, millions of people wake up and check their phones. A new like on Facebook. A juicy piece of celebrity gossip. A text message from your best friend and your ex, but not from the guy you have a total crush on. These people are connected to social media, which bombards its users with updates practically by the minute, as is its nature, and the majority will return day after day, hungry for more.
I'm not saying that social media is bad or that people should use it less (although addiction is no bueno, as my boss might say.). But it is a prime example of how our senses can be completely bombarded just by spending half an hour on Facebook. And with so many people trying to get noticed, it continues just as so.
As an avid reader, going to the bookstore is a less brain-numbing way of filling my senses with a sort of kaleidoscope. So many books by so many authors...young, old, new releases, classics, well-known, little-known...a huge variety awaits me the minute I step into a Barnes & Noble. I wonder to myself: What will it be like when my books are published? What will the covers look like? Will they be noticeable in the bookstore? Will people enjoy my books as much as (Insert name of famous author)'s? What kind of reviews will I get on Goodreads and Amazon?
And the list goes on.
My point is, it can be easy to feel like you are overlooked with so much new stuff coming in, and sometimes the fountainhead of motivation and inspiration seems reduced to a trickle due to the changes in communication and the need for recognition; a need, I will say, which can feel unmet even for someone who has five times as many "contacts" as the next man.
We cannot let ourselves be overcome by these sensations.
The trick is not to avoid these sensations, but to filter what we'd really like to know more about (and what we wouldn't) and find our emotional center. You don't have to be spiritual to do this. Ask yourself: What makes me feel good? What inspires me? What do I want to achieve? How can I shape my life so that I am focused on achieving my goals and feeling whole? Take a few minutes away from everything to think about these things. But don't let yourself become overwhelmed with thoughts or frustrated. These questions can take time to answer, but once you start, life will take on a completely different notion for you.
Even if you think you've got all these questions answered, continue to take that valuable time to think; it will keep you focused on what you envision. You can also take a few minutes to meditate (Again, you don't have to be spiritual to meditate or for meditation to work for you!), letting your thoughts flow freely, with focus on the breath. It will make you feel renewed, as well as keep you both inspired and motivated.
Relax. You may have a million questions about everything, but they will all be answered in time. In the meantime, may you continue to live a motivated, inspired, happy life!
:),
Courtney
PS: Feel free to leave me comments through Blogger and Facebook. I'd love to hear what you think ;)
Yes, it's important for me to have social media outreach now that I'm trying to be professional. But that's not the main purpose of this post (or of this blog, although I do appreciate the 400+ views on Writer Intro. Thanks a million!). What I really want to blog about today is two concepts that are extremely important to me. They are motivation and inspiration.
Both of these things work in synchronicity for me. One of the reasons I feel motivated to write is because of inspiration: my own, and that which I can spark in others. I write for myself, because it brings me peace, joy and clarity, but I also write for others, so that they may feel empowered, intrigued, inspired and motivated by my words.
Just to keep things clear, my intentions are far from trying to force others to feel these things. People should come to this on their own, but it always helps to be a source of creativity, inspiration, knowledge: it makes other people feel good, but it also makes you feel great, since you are choosing to irradiate all these beautiful things which you choose to see and feel.
In today's world of high-powered technology and instant communication, it can be easy to feel saturated by the quantity of information we are receiving every day, through technology and other means. Now let's think about this for a moment. Every day, millions of people wake up and check their phones. A new like on Facebook. A juicy piece of celebrity gossip. A text message from your best friend and your ex, but not from the guy you have a total crush on. These people are connected to social media, which bombards its users with updates practically by the minute, as is its nature, and the majority will return day after day, hungry for more.
I'm not saying that social media is bad or that people should use it less (although addiction is no bueno, as my boss might say.). But it is a prime example of how our senses can be completely bombarded just by spending half an hour on Facebook. And with so many people trying to get noticed, it continues just as so.
As an avid reader, going to the bookstore is a less brain-numbing way of filling my senses with a sort of kaleidoscope. So many books by so many authors...young, old, new releases, classics, well-known, little-known...a huge variety awaits me the minute I step into a Barnes & Noble. I wonder to myself: What will it be like when my books are published? What will the covers look like? Will they be noticeable in the bookstore? Will people enjoy my books as much as (Insert name of famous author)'s? What kind of reviews will I get on Goodreads and Amazon?
And the list goes on.
My point is, it can be easy to feel like you are overlooked with so much new stuff coming in, and sometimes the fountainhead of motivation and inspiration seems reduced to a trickle due to the changes in communication and the need for recognition; a need, I will say, which can feel unmet even for someone who has five times as many "contacts" as the next man.
We cannot let ourselves be overcome by these sensations.
The trick is not to avoid these sensations, but to filter what we'd really like to know more about (and what we wouldn't) and find our emotional center. You don't have to be spiritual to do this. Ask yourself: What makes me feel good? What inspires me? What do I want to achieve? How can I shape my life so that I am focused on achieving my goals and feeling whole? Take a few minutes away from everything to think about these things. But don't let yourself become overwhelmed with thoughts or frustrated. These questions can take time to answer, but once you start, life will take on a completely different notion for you.
Even if you think you've got all these questions answered, continue to take that valuable time to think; it will keep you focused on what you envision. You can also take a few minutes to meditate (Again, you don't have to be spiritual to meditate or for meditation to work for you!), letting your thoughts flow freely, with focus on the breath. It will make you feel renewed, as well as keep you both inspired and motivated.
Relax. You may have a million questions about everything, but they will all be answered in time. In the meantime, may you continue to live a motivated, inspired, happy life!
:),
Courtney
PS: Feel free to leave me comments through Blogger and Facebook. I'd love to hear what you think ;)
Monday, August 11, 2014
Monologue Monday: August 11, 2014
From today onward, I am starting the tradition of publishing some sort of monologue on this blog every other Monday. If inspiration and time allow it, however, I might post monologues two Mondays in a row. So let's begin!
I dug out this monologue from one of my "writing folders", which are basically folders stuffed extremely full with my drafts of poems, plays, stories, monologues, et cetera. It was written nearly three years ago, which is hard to believe. I'm sure a lot of people will be able to relate to it.
This is copyrighted, by the way, so read all you want, but it was written by me, hehe. So without further blabbering, here we go.
"Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth", says the Bible.
I know what love is. Love is all of that, but it also often involves getting crushed, suffering a bit, hurting and crying your eyes out. I know that from my experience with him. I mean, we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend or anything. Just good friends, really good friends for me.
But like they say, friendship can change, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. One day we would talk on and on about whatever you could think of: school, money, jobs, family, friends, you name it. We would go deep. But next thing you know, he was swept away, while I was left in the dust. No deep or playful conversations anymore: just some goodbyes, hellos and the occasional comment about something else. That's it for him, I guess.
But that's not it for me! We were close, and when someone so close just drifts away, a part of you just falls apart. And that's what happened to me. A part of me just fell apart, and I'm still making sense of it. And even though he may be after someone else, my feelings stay the same. I want things to be the way they were before, or at least similar. It's not fair!
My love, you meant and still mean a lot to me. Your smile lights up my world and your laugh brings out my own. I want you close to me like we were before. I want to talk like we used to. I want you to feel the same way about me, and it's lust, but it's true. I hope you can somehow forgive me for the times when I did not treat you as well as I should have. I am sorry I am not more verbally expressive in my ways...that's just how I am. Your head is elsewhere, your heart with another, but I will continue to nurture the hope that maybe, someday, we will finally be together.
You are my fire, my one, my falling star, my inspiration. Others may not see it, but I do. Please don't forget me, because I may never be able to forget you.
I surrender. I love you.
[Blogger's note: Since I was actually writing this for a drama class, the last paragraph is dramatized for the purpose of this monologue's performance. I did feel strongly for the person I wrote this monologue about, but I was not in love.]
Please comment your thoughts and reactions! I'd love to hear what you think. And feel free to check out my other blog, cjustusbookrecommendations.blogspot.com.
<3
I dug out this monologue from one of my "writing folders", which are basically folders stuffed extremely full with my drafts of poems, plays, stories, monologues, et cetera. It was written nearly three years ago, which is hard to believe. I'm sure a lot of people will be able to relate to it.
This is copyrighted, by the way, so read all you want, but it was written by me, hehe. So without further blabbering, here we go.
"Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth", says the Bible.
I know what love is. Love is all of that, but it also often involves getting crushed, suffering a bit, hurting and crying your eyes out. I know that from my experience with him. I mean, we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend or anything. Just good friends, really good friends for me.
But like they say, friendship can change, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. One day we would talk on and on about whatever you could think of: school, money, jobs, family, friends, you name it. We would go deep. But next thing you know, he was swept away, while I was left in the dust. No deep or playful conversations anymore: just some goodbyes, hellos and the occasional comment about something else. That's it for him, I guess.
But that's not it for me! We were close, and when someone so close just drifts away, a part of you just falls apart. And that's what happened to me. A part of me just fell apart, and I'm still making sense of it. And even though he may be after someone else, my feelings stay the same. I want things to be the way they were before, or at least similar. It's not fair!
My love, you meant and still mean a lot to me. Your smile lights up my world and your laugh brings out my own. I want you close to me like we were before. I want to talk like we used to. I want you to feel the same way about me, and it's lust, but it's true. I hope you can somehow forgive me for the times when I did not treat you as well as I should have. I am sorry I am not more verbally expressive in my ways...that's just how I am. Your head is elsewhere, your heart with another, but I will continue to nurture the hope that maybe, someday, we will finally be together.
You are my fire, my one, my falling star, my inspiration. Others may not see it, but I do. Please don't forget me, because I may never be able to forget you.
I surrender. I love you.
[Blogger's note: Since I was actually writing this for a drama class, the last paragraph is dramatized for the purpose of this monologue's performance. I did feel strongly for the person I wrote this monologue about, but I was not in love.]
Please comment your thoughts and reactions! I'd love to hear what you think. And feel free to check out my other blog, cjustusbookrecommendations.blogspot.com.
<3
Thursday, August 7, 2014
How Do I Read My Poetry? (Another Sample!!)
Today I left my contact info to a few more libraries, in hopes to get in a poetry reading or two before I head off to college (YEAH!). In order to keep a positive attitude that they would say YES this time, I decided to practice reading one of my poems as if I were reading it in front of other people.
And it was awful.
Maybe I'm too hard on myself sometimes. Okay, correction: I am too hard on myself sometimes. But even so, I think it's important to recognize where there is a need for improvement, which I was able to catch a glimpse of today.
The funny thing is, I've read my poetry aloud in front of other people. In seventh grade, I was a member of the forensics team! (Didn't win anything though. What a shame.) I've been doing musical theater for six years and plan to continue, which involves reading and interpreting lines which, like poetry, are strings of letters and words and phrases which mean something! And yet no matter how hard I tried to keep a certain pace, tone, or to put emphasis how and where needed, it just...didn't...sound right.
If you have any videos and/or articles on poetry reading/forensics, please comment below, I would appreciate it greatly. Also, if you have any other articles related to writing a book proposal (including any of the individual parts of one), please include them as well.
In the meantime, here's a piece of the poem I tried to read earlier today:
Emotions That Remain by Courtney Justus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.
Please feel free to ask any questions you like and leave any suggestions you might have. I would be happy to hear them :)
Enjoy the rest of your week!
PS: My other blog is cjustusbookrecommendations.blogspot.com. I write reviews of books I've read and liked. If you have any book recommendations, feel free to comment here or on my other blog! I'd love to look into them. ;)
And it was awful.
Maybe I'm too hard on myself sometimes. Okay, correction: I am too hard on myself sometimes. But even so, I think it's important to recognize where there is a need for improvement, which I was able to catch a glimpse of today.
The funny thing is, I've read my poetry aloud in front of other people. In seventh grade, I was a member of the forensics team! (Didn't win anything though. What a shame.) I've been doing musical theater for six years and plan to continue, which involves reading and interpreting lines which, like poetry, are strings of letters and words and phrases which mean something! And yet no matter how hard I tried to keep a certain pace, tone, or to put emphasis how and where needed, it just...didn't...sound right.
If you have any videos and/or articles on poetry reading/forensics, please comment below, I would appreciate it greatly. Also, if you have any other articles related to writing a book proposal (including any of the individual parts of one), please include them as well.
In the meantime, here's a piece of the poem I tried to read earlier today:
I tend to keep my head down
Whenever I’m in that place
For I can’t stand to look you in the eye
While these emotions still remain.
A very glance at an empty room
From which I leave so drained...
How can you expect me to feel something else
While these emotions still remain?
I feel like I’m drowning, I am appalled
At the emotions that remain
And I have to say, it’s not easy to explain
Why I can’t look at you the same.
Emotions That Remain by Courtney Justus is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.
Please feel free to ask any questions you like and leave any suggestions you might have. I would be happy to hear them :)
Enjoy the rest of your week!
PS: My other blog is cjustusbookrecommendations.blogspot.com. I write reviews of books I've read and liked. If you have any book recommendations, feel free to comment here or on my other blog! I'd love to look into them. ;)
Subscribe to:
Posts
(
Atom
)